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Your 'Values' are good, but do your 'Rules' fit?

Updated: Apr 3, 2019

Most of us walk through our lives with an understand that we have values to which we hold dear. Perhaps we value honesty from others, fidelity from our partners, philanthropy and helping others, but how many of us have sat done and really drilled down on them and even more importantly, how many of us have taken an even deeper look and understand what rules we have around them.

Being in a relationship, I have values of honesty and love, and I feel blessed that each of these values are fulfilled. They are fulfilled when I see all the little things that my husband does; when I'm in conversation at a party for instance, he'll quietly pick up my glass and refill it without asking so that I've got a drink, he'll go shopping specifically to buy me flowers, for no other reason that he wanted to.

But .... what if my rules around being loved were different, what if they were not about appreciating these little things? What if I had a list of things that he had to do in order for me to feel loved? What if the list laid out that my husband had to bring me a cup of tea in bed EVERY Saturday AND every Sunday, AND buy me flowers each and every week, AND to tell me he loved me when he got up, when he phoned me at lunch time and again when we went to bed, AND to be constantly by my side in parties and gatherings. Do you think I would ever feel loved?

So what about YOUR values? They might be absolutely right and totally serve you, let's say you have a value around the benefits of hard work but, what about the rules behind that value. Perhaps the unwritten rule that says that sitting and simply reading a book is not productive. If you follow that rule through you may find that, as result, you tend not to give yourself any down time because that feels like 'laziness', and then what happens? You work yourself into the ground, you get exhausted, you get unwell and then, what chance do you have to be true to your value of 'hard work'? It simply can't happen. So ask yourself,

What are your rules? And are they working for you?

Elaine Sullivan

Founder, Elaine K Sullivan Ltd


Training, Coaching and Mentoring

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